PatrickDiCaprio.com

I will be the first to admit I am pretty much a TV junkie. I have one or two shows that I record any given day of the week that I use as a way to clear my head and relax for a few minutes. Now not only am I experiencing personal dislike for my lack of new episodes, but the strike is bringing about changes in television that I just cannot stand what so ever.

First off, there were several shows that made it through the fall season that have a good chance of being dropped off without new episodes being written. Really now, does FOX really need another reason to cut a show after a partial season. I bet at least 3 new shows that I was following in the fall season will get dropped purely because by the time that the writers come off strike they will have been long forgotten.

Second, horrible TV that requires very little writing at all is starting to surface and air more frequently. My example is the reality or game show. NBC fits the bill here. They must live by the motto “when in doubt, it’s time to air yet another episode of Deal or No Deal”. Who wants to watch morons lose out at thousands of dollars on a Friday night at 8. Games shows should never fill prime time television spots. I have no objections to the nightly traditions of Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune as they are before 8, but I would say at this point there is a 50% chance of turning on NBC between the hours of 8 and 11 PM and finding an episode of Deal or No Deal on the air.

No I also must ask, what is America’s obsession with reality TV. Sure I’ll watch the occasional episode of the Real World, but if I wanted to watch a talent show I wouldn’t be watching TV. Now long ago, I did watch the first season of Survivor like it was my job, but how many little twists can you come up with for the same show and really keep people interested. I saw a commercial for Big Brother 9 the other day. People are cranking out reality TV like rabbits crank out bunnies. I want to see more creativity on TV, not some fool trying to mimic Ricky Martin on live TV.

Finally, the thing that has outraged me the most by this whole strike was done recently by CBS. Starting in 2 weeks they will be airing Showtime’s hit Dexter. So since you couldn’t find someone to write something for you, you are going to try and buy a hit? I have news for CBS, Dexter will never thrive on their network the way it does on Showtime. Sure it may be seen by more viewers since every in the country does not pay for Showtime, but at the same point episodes are going to have to be edited down to fit in the alloted timeframe. A full episode of Dexter runs about 55 minutes. Are they really going to cut that down to 42 minutes so they can get their sponsors some commercial air time. To quote:

“I am very protective of the show and will make sure the small changes are done very seamlessly,” Showtime president Robert Greenblatt told The Hollywood Reporter. “The essence of the show is absolutely there; we haven’t compromised the character and his moral compass.” Instead, the major cuts will focus on language.

How they ever actually watched the show at CBS. The sister character on the show is made by her crude use of language and dropping for the F bomb every 10 seconds. How are you not changing the essence of the show by editing things like that out? Also how are small changes going to happen when you dump 10+ minutes of airtime on the show?

Moral of the story, can we please give the writers the small bit of money they are asking for so we can bring a return to good TV?

So last night, I didn’t wake up til around 9 (yes PM). I wasn’t feeling like cooking a meal, mainly because that would have required going food shopping first for just about anything I was willing to make. I decided to hit up the good old BK Lounge drive through for a quick bite.

I pulled in and there was a car in front of me. He placed his order and drove up and I followed to place mine. Shortly after I pulled up behind the person waiting at the window, the girl at the window had him pull around to the front of the building to wait for his food. So much for fast huh? I payed for my meal and was handed my beverage. The girl then asked me to do the same. I simply replied, “No, I’m good waiting right here.” The girl was dumb founded and did not know what to say, so she retreated to her inner sanctum near the food counter and the french fry bin.

About 30 seconds later, the night manager came to the window and asked me politely to do the same. Once again I protested. I feel I was justified to protest at this point for several reasons:

1.) All I ordered was a Whopper. For those of you that didn’t know, that is menu item number 1 at Burger King. You would think item number 1 would be their top seller. That would leave me to believe that the employees that make them would have lots of practice doing so. How long could it really take?

2.) I looked in my rearview mirror and THERE WAS NO ONE IN LINE BEHIND ME. If I was in line and there were 3 cars behind me with my overly complicated order (see point 1 to get an idea of the sarcasm you would have heard if I spoke these words) was holding up the line, I would gladly move around to the front. But of course this was more so I could not sit there and watch them do nothing when they should be making my burger. I hope they realize that by making their incompetent employee bring out my food to my car, they are both wasting time and risking that she may get lost while searching for my car in the empty parking lot.

I finally agreed to move around after the manager insisted it was going to take a few minutes, a few being 7 apparently. I was so frustrated I actually timed their response time. What added to my rage was the counter girl waited until both orders were ready to bring them out to save herself a walk. I would not have really protested this but the other guys order looked like he was eating for 8 based on how big the 2 bags were. I can only assume that my Whopper was done quicker than that and was sitting there getting cold when it could be doing so already in my stomach.

When the girl handed me my food, she apologized for the wait claiming that the reason was it was close to closing time. How would this in any way, shape or form effect your ability to put a piece of meat, cheese and some vegetables between 2 slices of bread? Does time magically slow down in the kitchen after 9 PM? Is that the point after which you have to kill a cow out back for each burger ordered?

I decided to leave well enough alone at this point as I feared my logic might kill the remaining brain cells that she had acquired up to this point of her life. I simply drove home to eat my unsatisfying meal more dumbfounded than when I left the house.

Two recent observations have prompted this thought:

1. Old people love McDonald’s coffee

This is just unbelievable. Have they actually tried it before? Do your taste buds dissolve as you get older altering your sense of taste? Seriously, it may be the worst cup of coffee ever made. Oddly enough, I was in a McDonald’s yesterday morning, and there was a small platoon of these grey haired beasts enjoying this sludge with an Egg McMuffin. I have actually tried giving up understanding this phenomenon.

2. Old people cannot do the simplest task on a computer

For example, say check a box on their screen. I seriously just spent 10 minutes trying to get a guy on the other end of the phone to click a box. What made this worse was the fact that he clearly identified to me the box that I wanted him to check. He actually saw it on his screen. All he had to do was move the mouse and click. Nope, he couldn’t do it. I spent nearly 10 minutes trying to convince him why he should check the box (this was after it taking 5 minutes to figure out what the hell kind of problem he was talking about). Can you please just accept the fact that you are a moron when it comes to using a computer and you should listen to the paid professional that is telling you to check it instead of debating if it is the morally correct thing to do in this situation. If you are not capable of this, please hand the phone to the nearest 4 year old so they can spend .2 seconds and fix the issue for you. Dialing the phone that you used to call me may have actually been more complicated.

Just needed to vent a little, that’s all for now

or at least the writers of American Pie. So I was at the mall seeing Talladega Nights this afternoon (yes, it was good enough I actually paid to see it twice). After the laugh fest, we made our standard stop in the food court for some grub. While sitting there eating my lunch, I was scanning to area for hot chicks like every guy when his significant other is not in sight. Low and behold, I saw one of the best looking MILF’s I’ve seen in quite some time.

The experience got me thinking. Where would I be today if the writers of American Pie had not introduced this amazing little word to the general population. It’s short, to the point, and universally understood by all. What kind of awkward catch phrase would we be using if this great word never existed. “Hot momma” or something along those lines just doesn’t have the same effect. It doesn’t flow off my lips the way MILF does.

Who would have thought that a four letter addition to my vocabulary would make such a difference. Once again, thank you writers of American Pie.

Yes it’s true. As crazy as it sounds I actually paid 13 American dollars to sit in a room full of people for 2 hours. And I didn’t even get a reach around out of it.

To make matters even worse, it was actually worth paying $13 to see a movie tonight. I did see Talladega Nights, which I am probably going to see again at some point this week as it was so funny, but that’s not even the reason why I found it worth my while to pay $13 for 120 minutes of my life.

We got to the theater, which is new and extremely nice, with the intent of seeing the 7:10 show for their normal ass raping of $10 a head. At the counter, we are informed that the 7:10 show was in the Director’s Hall theater and cost the additional 300 pennies. Partially out of curiosity and partially because we really didn’t want to wait another half an hour to see the movie, we accepted the higher fee.

Now what was amazing was the added service that you got for that 3 bucks. The seats were a little wider and there was much more leg room. They were leather and also seemed to recline a bit farther. The arm rest between the seats was able to fold up so you could cuddle up with your date. They actually went far enough to put extra padding under the bottom of the arm rest and between the seats for comfort.

There were at least 5 employees in the theater at all time. 2 people’s soul purpose was to escort you to you assigned seats that you picked out from a seating chart when you bought the ticket. Another person was manning a snack cart at the bottom of the seats with soda and candy. Then there were 2 girls walking around with PDA’s taking food and drink orders (for no additional fee compared to the already outrageous movie food pricing). They carried a change belt with a little bluetooth printer to give you a reciept on the spot. The order was then sent to the concession stand and some random employee delivered it to your seat. At the height of all this fanfare, there were nine cinema employees in the room. A little nuts if you ask me.

Now here is the crazy part. I’m not sure what is worse, that I actually paid $13 for a movie, or that I was so fascinated by the experience that I put in the time to write it all down…

By the way, Talladega Nights, The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is by the far the funniest movie I have seen all year. I highly recommend seeing it as soon as possible.