PatrickDiCaprio.com

So it’s Friday night. I just got on the highway leaving work around midnight (yes I worked a Friday night and yes I got triple time as it was a holiday) and my phone rings saying someone is trying to direct connect me. I pick up the phone and see that it’s a number that I didn’t have in my phone. Now most people would just ignore the wrong number, I on the otherhand had nothing better to do, so I decided to respond. Here is the conversation that followed:

(Nextel chirpped)
Me: Go Ahead
Chick on the other end of the phone who will remain nameless, mainly because I never got her name: When are you going to be home?
Me: Ummm, 20-25 minutes
Chick: Well you better hurry up, I’m in bed and getting myself ready for you
Me: Where are you?
Chick: I’m home, are you drunk or something?
Me: What’s the address?
Chick: Who is this?
Me: So can I have the address?

Oddly enough I didn’t get a response. So after 10 minutes I decided to try again. An angry male voice was now on the other end of the phone screaming thinks like “Who the fuck is this?” I promptly deleted the wrong number from my phone.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the end is near. That’s right, my 311 CD is about to finish its last track. Now that I’ve promptly started a new disc, on to the post.

This is a first for me and unfortunately not the last for you. Partially because I have nothing better to do and partially because I now feel slightly more intellectual after reading a novel that beared no resemblance to ESPN the magazine for the first time since high school, I have decided to pour out on to you the endless stories and quips I have about the world. Hence the title. Sometimes what I’ll post just needs to be said to combat the rising idiocy around the globe and sometimes if I just don’t tell someone about it, I think I’ll just explode. That brings me to the first of my rants, based solely on an incident I witnessed last week and had totally forgotten about until yesterday.

I was on my way to work. There were three lanes for the traffic going in my direction at the intersection that I was patiently waiting for the light to turn green. I was sitting in the middle lane about 10 cars back from the light. To my right was the empty lane for those traveling straight down the road as that light was green already. A few small shops lined the street next to that lane with a very wide parking lane.

Now very commonly do I see cars double parked in front of these shops as there really is not room for more than 6 cars and there is enough space to park safely even if doubled parked. Today was no different. A woman was double parked and preparing to get out of her car. As she opened the door, a car coming down that lane of traffic TOOK HER DOOR CLEAN OFF THE CAR. Now I’m not talking like bent the door back around like in Tommy Boy. The door was seriously like 30 feet down the road. Seriously, I had to check to see if I needed to turn around and go home to change my pants as I thought I might have shit myself as I was laughing so hard.

Now on to the common sense portion of this post. The man driving was in no way at fault. The woman was blatantly double parked. That and even though she was double parked, she could have positioned her car another 3 or 4 feet away from traffic as there was a gaping isle between her and the other parked car. But seriously, even more outrageous than that, how do you open your door without looking first. When that was mentioned in my drivers ed class back in high school, everyone laughed. The teacher said to laugh now, but you wouldn’t be laughing if you ever saw it. Boy was he wrong.

That being said, I have exhausted my fingers for the day. This is just the beginning, more to follow.